This Middle Place
by princessofthedeadsheep
Summary: "This is the place in between normal life and Lyoko and it is a place that they hate and need. It is a horrible, horrible place and yet it is where they find the most solidarity." Gen fic for all the Lyoko Warriors


**So here is my precisely 3000 word one-shot! It's been edited and yet I still managed to keep it to a perfect 3000. Tough work but worth it. This was given a beta pass by the awesome crystalklk. **

**This fic is a gen one-shot, so don't go expecting more (I say as I think up bits that would make an excellent sequel).**

The return to the past drops them all off only a little bit before they would leave the dorms for school. Instead of getting ready, Ulrich pulls his shirt on the rest of the way and leaves his and Odd's room, heading to William's.

He doesn't knock, because he knows what will be said and so he doesn't bother. He opens the door to find William slumped on his bed. He takes William's hand and William looks up, probably to protest, but something in Ulrich's expression must make him change his mind because he shuts up and just lets Ulrich lead him to Jeremy's room. They get there at about the same time as Aelita, who looks just as bad as the rest of them do. She flings the door open, knowing Ulrich will catch it and enters Jeremy's room with the same emotionally battered air as the rest of them.

This is a ritual, and never do they question it. Ulrich walks in right after Aelita, ignores everyone else and plops down on the bed right next to her. She curls up and as he leans on the wall she places herself so that she has access to the sound of his heartbeat, that steady thump-thump-thump the closest thing to comfort she will receive. Ulrich does not move, allows Aelita to do what she wants, his own hands laying on his stomach.

Odd is curled on the other side of the room, staring at the wall over Jeremy's bed with empty eyes, and he looks so much like a broken child it is easy for Ulrich to remember that he was barely twelve when this all began, nearly the youngest of all of them, save Jeremy.

Jeremy sits in his computer chair, muttering to himself nothing but nonsense. If Ulrich were to bother to listen, he would catch half justifications and half self-blaming and things that should have worked.

William seems unsure of what to do, but decides to sit next to Odd, his whole body twitching as though it craves action, his face the picture of despair.

William had closed the door, and they make no move towards it. The only sounds are Jeremy's mutterings and the sounds of people leaving the dorms. Jeremy's computer chair will creak, but it is rare and makes them tenser still.

Yumi opens the door last, closes the door then takes some sort of board that Jeremy has behind his desk and places it under the doorknob. No one can open the door, but no one can claim it is locked. She then settles herself down on Ulrich's other side, joining hands with Aelita so that her finger rests on the pulse of Aelita's thumb and Aelita's finger lies on hers. Both place their still connected hands on Ulrich's heart.

Ulrich finds at these rare but awful times he has no strength. He'd rather sit here, his muscles turning to water than attempt to do something but change nothing. The whole reason they are here, skipping a day of classes they already took, is because they all know there's nothing they can do. They just hope it isn't true.

Now that everyone is here, Jeremy turns on a radio, which is still on the station they need the most. Ulrich wonders if Jeremy hasn't used it since the last time or if he just resets it every time. He'll never ask.

They don't know when they'll be told the news they already know. It might be breaking news, it might be just another side comment. They have no idea until they hear it and the waiting is the worst part.

Jeremy has begun to pace, still muttering constantly. It doesn't take long for William to join, and they pace circles around each other as the radio quietly continues on, music being interrupted by short bursts of news that they dread hearing. They all know they are about to lose something they will never get back, and it's terrifying.

Ulrich can see the pulses in both Aelita and Yumi's necks, and when the music plays he focuses on one of them, watching their heart beat and trying to blank his mind from the inevitable. He won't be able to do this forever, but he will try, just as Aelita and Yumi do now, closing their eyes and listening as his body functions, feeling each other's pulses and trying to busy themselves with the fact that they are alive. They are all alive. But right now, that isn't enough. He wonders what Odd thinks about while he stares, what William thinks while he twitches and paces.

No one will ever ask, because that isn't what this is about. This is about ritual, this is about hope, this is about the wish to retain the bits of innocence that are a second from falling away to never be retrieved.

Right now, there are no tears. There will be. Right now, they make no sound. Soon, they will. Ulrich wishes he did not know these things like he knows how many detentions skipping classes without an excuse will get you. But he can't pretend that well. They all know it is coming, and to deny it is more dangerous than to acknowledge it. The room is thick with their fear and self-hatred and second thoughts. It is making its way through all of them, leaving them weaker than before and chipping away at all the things they are when they are not alone.

Right now, they are none of those things. They are not students and they are not friends, because friends have boundaries that society will not let you cross. Here, there are none. That's why Aelita lays at his side and Jeremy doesn't care: there is no place for jealousy here. It is why Ulrich and William are even more at peace than usual. Here they only have themselves, themselves and the terrible things they know. All the things they want to forget like everyone else but never will.

This is the place in between normal life and Lyoko and it is a place that they hate and need. It is a horrible, horrible place and yet it is where they find the most solidarity. It is nothing but contradictions, pain and comfort, it is the place where they have no choice but to let all their courage drop away, useless like vitamins to a dead man. Here they are precisely what they have always been.

Children.

Children who will not be children for much longer. Children fighting to hold onto childhood and failing worse than they ever thought. Children who see things and make choices that make grown men and woman cry and second guess.

Just children.

"There has been news of an unexpected and unusual death just this morning," the news has come on, has finally announced that which not one of them wants to hear. Jeremy has stopped pacing while William has increased his pacing tenfold. Ulrich can feel Aelita shaking beside him while he feels Yumi's body turn to stone, though he can see the pulse in her throat hammering. Odd is still on the other side of the room, eyes closed, clutching his stomach as though his intestines are about to fall out.

Ulrich can sympathize, because his own stomach is in knots and he has no idea how he'll be able to hear the rest of what is said, but he knows he has to listen. They all do.

They have to do this.

"Henry Morris died this morning on his commute to work. He was apparently carpooling with a friend, when he suddenly slumped in his seat, unresponsive. Despite his friend's quick actions, calling an ambulance and doing CPR, Morris was pronounced dead upon arrival at the hospital." Odd makes a sound that is somewhere between a sob and a keen. It is at times like this where Ulrich can't help but look at Odd and see a child. William has finally stopped pacing. Unlike the others, who dare not look at the radio, he stares at it, daring it to tell him the truths he doesn't want to hear.

"According to reports, Morris suffered from some sort of heart attack. At the moment, police do not suspect foul play, though they do say they will be investigating the matter thoroughly."

Ulrich can feel a bitter, hateful laugh bubbling up from his gut to try and burst out of his mouth, because there will be no evidence of foul play. No, the man's heart just stopped, but that's a million times better than the way he really died, a million times better than becoming a monster and to have to be destroyed and God, all that blood, everywhere, it flowed and it flowed and it didn't stop and they were all covered in it, in the rich iron taste of it, metallic and horrific as the creature came after them, guts and other bloody things flying after them, and God, _God_ forgive them all.

He isn't surprised that when he manages to force his thoughts away from the incident, he sees tears falling out of Aelita's eyes, still shut tightly as she sobs into his side. She had come here praying that it was all a mistake and had just proven to herself that she was wrong. Yumi is clutching at his side as though he is going to fall away, he can feel muscles all over her body spasm as she tenses so much he fears she will hurt herself.

Odd has found his way over to the bed and now lays curled across all of their legs. His eyes are still empty and it hurts to look into them but Ulrich will not look away unless Odd does. Tears come out of Odd's open eyes as well. He hiccups, shaking, shaking, shaking, as he finally looks away.

William is crying too. It is the first time they have done this ritual with William, and Ulrich did not know what to expect. Now William is standing there, over them, as though waiting for an invitation to join, tears rolling down his cheeks with no fanfare. Ulrich jerks his head when he realizes what William is waiting for, and William pushes himself onto the bed, finding Yumi's hand and holding it, putting a hand on Odd's shaking body and saying nothing.

No one says anything. Words cannot fix what is here, cannot turn them into whole people who have not suffered. Words will do nothing here, in this middle place.

Jeremy is always last to join. He situates himself so that he cuddles Odd's head against his chest, Holds Aelita's other hand which she molds to hold his face, leaving it there as he lets go. It is cramped on this bed for six people, but they are making it work, forcing themselves into whatever position can give them the most of what they are looking for- comfort, connection, family, love- they take whatever they can. They cannot be demanding and yet they demand all they can get. They are terrified alone but only afraid together. It's better to do all this together than to sequester themselves in their own rooms.

One by one they will drop into uneasy almost sleep. Then into uneasy sleep. They will likely wake up to the banging of the door by someone who would never understand this middle place, to someone who would look at them and see the children that have already fallen away rather than what is left of them. Jeremy, always, is last in this ritual. Ulrich is always second to last, to have his eyes open at least. He can hardly stand the idea of closing them and seeing those gut wrenching images, the ones that made him want to be sick. He knows even Odd will not be eating well over the next few days as they try to put this impossible thing behind them.

Jeremy is a lot of things they don't often see. Ulrich has always known this, but in these quiet moments in this middle place, he truly can see it. Jeremy holds Odd to comfort him, and there is something in his expression that Ulrich cannot name but understands as necessary. Odd responds to it as a child would, clinging to Jeremy and relaxing within his half-embrace, falling into the uneasy sleep as easily as Aelita has done. Both sleep now, their breath evening out, their bodies forced to relax.

William clings to Odd's other side, clutching onto Yumi's hand. Yumi does not react, probably afraid she'd hurt herself if she so much as twitched. William's own tears dry up quickly, but Ulrich can tell they leave his throat raw and that he is already run ragged. They all are. He slips into the uneasy almost sleep as the last tear travels down his face, landing in the valley between where Ulrich's leg meets Yumi's.

Ulrich knows Yumi has been in the pseudo sleep for a while, her eyes shut and unmoving, but when Ulrich feels her entire body jerk and the tension from her body releases all at once, he knows she has fallen into sleep.

And so there is only him and Jeremy. It won't be long before Ulrich gives in, if only because he knows Jeremy will not dare to take his own rest until he is certain that all of them have. He looks at Jeremy and their eyes meet, and a silent conversation begins. It is something that Ulrich has only ever been able to do with Jeremy. It isn't exactly conversation so much as impressions. Jeremy moves his head in a way that tells Ulrich he's asking about when Ulrich will sleep. Ulrich only purses his lips in an _I don't know_.

_You're tired._ Jeremy says with a raised brow.

Ulrich makes a sweeping motion with his eyes. _We all are_.

Jeremy closes his eyes because he knows this. He opens them again, the slow but understated movement expressing his agreement. He sighs and Ulrich can feel the heavy movement against his legs and he suddenly feels awful for Jeremy.

He looks at Jeremy, indicating to him that he should sleep. Stubbornly, Jeremy shakes his head. Ulrich knew he would. No, Jeremy will not sleep until every one of them is asleep, because that is what Jeremy does.

Ulrich's anger is little but it is there, enough to show. Jeremy only gives him a sad, tired smile, that says _but there is nothing that can be done about the way things are_. And he is right. Now is not the moment things will suddenly change if Ulrich just tries. Jeremy will stay up no matter how hard Ulrich tries to get him to sleep, and the sooner Ulrich sleeps, the sooner Jeremy does.

Ulrich looks at Odd, then at William. They had both fought valiantly today and paid dearly. They all had. Even Jeremy, though he would probably deny it. All of them had suffered. It was the suffering that made them so close. He never thought he'd have ever understood the idea of Brother's in arms the way he did now. Because that was what they were, wasn't it? They were soldiers. They followed the orders of their general and they saved civilians and they did everything they could to protect their mission. They fought in a war that no one else knew about, and they were killing bits of themselves doing it.

Every time something like this happened, every time things got really bad, it would chip at their innocence, chip at their childhood, and it wouldn't stop chipping away until there was nothing left. Then, it would move onto other things: their faith in people, their love for others, their ability to function. It wouldn't ever stop unless this war stopped. And Jeremy...

Ulrich moves one hand and grips Yumi and William's joined ones. William is asleep, his breathing settled. Ulrich reaches out his other hand, and Jeremy clutches it. He is holding Odd's hand and brings it with him onto Aelita's thigh.

Connected, all of them, in this moment, in this in between place where only they belong. Where Ulrich can look Jeremy in the eyes and somehow convey that he is grateful for all that he does for them, that he has put his life in Jeremy's hands hundreds of times and he would do it a thousand more. Somehow, he can convey this thank you, and somehow, Jeremy understands it. He gives Ulrich's hand a gentle squeeze, and gives Ulrich an almost, just barely amused look. It makes Ulrich's lips twitch, and finally, finally he closes his eyes with the intent to keep them shut.

Jeremy will wait until he is sure everyone is asleep, a general checking in on his troops, before he dares to sleep. Jeremy will stir should any of the others begin to wake, ever watchful.

This does not fix things. They have all lost another piece of innocence, they will never get it back. Someone is dead, and they will never get their life back. They will wake to find all of these things are still true.

But they will wake together, in Jeremy's room, where they often find themselves in this middle place, and they will know they are not alone. No matter the consequences, they have each other. It's never perfect, but it is still so much better than to have lost everything. Ulrich can feel Jeremy watching him, and for once he doesn't find it strange and he doesn't feel the need to get out from under the scrutiny. Instead, he feels comforted to know that Jeremy is there, has always been there. He squeezes Jeremy's hand, and Jeremy squeezes back, and it's like a promise being kept. _We are not alone. I am here, you are here, they are here_.

_We have each other. _

_We are not alone_.

Ulrich falls asleep.


End file.
